Bizarro Masterpiece Theatre: Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace

Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace

Movie: Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace (2004)

Directed by: Lee Gordon Demarbre

Starring: Phil Caracas, Jeff Moffet, Ian Driscoll

Written by: Ian Driscoll

After creating Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter – the best movie about Jesus Christ, EVER – Canada’s favorite son Lee Gordon Demarbre continued to amass Bizarro film cred with another glorious entry in his Harry Knuckles series. Phil Caracas, Demarbre’s Scott Bakula-looking Lord, once more dons finger fuzz and fights the forces of evil! Narrated by Barack Obama’s twin brother, the story of Pearl Necklace is a sordid tale of sasquatches, jewelry theft, virtual reality, evil twins, pro wrestling, and hot babes fighting awkwardly.

Mr. Knuckles bursts onto the scene when he foils a pair of thieves who are making off with Bizarro master Menahem Golan’s artwork. From there, a pair of smokin’ fine ladies recruits Harry to track down Bigfoot, who has stolen a radioactive pearl necklace. From the start, these ladies are not who they appear to be, and figuring out their true allegiances comprises a large part of the story.

But they aren’t the only dames with whom Mr. Knuckles crosses paths. Pearl Necklace’s show-stealing moment comes when Harry, always looking for a good bargain, takes his truck to the Unknown Gas Station. Ol’ Unknown, played by writer Ian Driscoll, is a snazzy-dressed gas pumper with a paper bag for a head, who swivels his hips and prances around like a vaudeville kingpin. When he runs afoul of two bondage nuns and gets decked in the face, Unknown’s bag head gets a black eye and he slumps to the ground, leaving Harry $20 worth of gas time to take down the nasty nuns. Following his inevitable victory via vagina punch, Mr. Knuckles drives off to a Nintendo orchestra of triumph.

Yet do not assume that this glorious movie is a one-trick pony! One great moment comes while Mr. Knuckles is digging for clues about the nefarious conspiracy surrounding the pearl necklace. For answers, Harry enters a dark and dingy bar and encounters Bizarro legend Lloyd Kaufman! Wearing a giant sombrero and intermittently spewing coins from his mouth, Kaufman challenges Harry to a drinking contest, and awesomeness ensues. Meanwhile, Harry’s best friend, Mexican luchador hero Santos, is led down the parallel roads of love and betrayal, making an awesome joke about masked safe sex before fighting his way out of a wedding ambush. Ultimately, the goodness and purity of both men prevail. Kind of.

Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter is a titan of cinema, to be sure, but having watched Pearl Necklace, I have become a committed fan of Lee Gordon Demarbre beyond the Lord. No matter how many pedestrians walk into his shots, Demarbre is a comic genius!

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