So here’s my crappy end of year list. I don’t think I liked enough albums, books, or other entertainments to warrant separate best-of lists for each medium, so I’m just smashing everything together. Deal with it.
11. Medium: Literature. Stimulus: George R. R. Martin – A Dance with Dragons
Finally, George R. R. Martin continues his Song of Fire and Ice series with a gigantic book that nonetheless picks up the pace and is much more exciting than its predecessor.
10. Medium: Film. Stimulus: Red State
The guy who directed Clerks and Mallrats makes a serious movie about Fred Phelps-grade religious fanaticism and David Koresh-grade domestic terrorism. On paper, you’d think it wouldn’t work, but it works pretty goddamn hard.
9. Medium: Game. Stimulus: The Nintendo 3DS
Most video game systems suck and have a crappy library of games in their first year. The Nintendo 3DS bypassed this by cutting the crap and releasing upgraded versions of the company’s best games 15 years ago, Ocarina of Time and Starfox 64. It worked. Add a highly serviceable port of Street Fighter IV, a Mario game that is the 2011 version of 1990’s Super Mario Bros. 3, and the requisite round of Mario Kart, and the opening salvo of the 3DS hasn’t been too bad at all.
8. Medium: Album. Stimulus: Austrian Death Machine – Jingle All the Way
If you haven’t listened to the Arnold Schwarzenegger-themed metal genius that is Austrian Death Machine, do it. Do it now! Their latest release is a two-song EP based on Arnold’s epic Christmas movie, Jingle All the Way. “I’m Not a Pervert,” based on Arnold’s failed attempt at gaining a bouncy ball from a stupid kid at the Mall of America, is the feel-good Christmas song of the year.
7. Medium: Literature. Stimulus: Albert Brooks – 2030.
A believable, grounded account of American decline without the usual futuristic vibe. Usually, books about the future are pretty devoid of compassion and pretty bonered out on robo-fascism, but Brooks plays it calm and presents a future with real people – and, equally important, real language. This examination of overpopulation and boomer entitlement reaching old age is less fiction than it is frightening inevitability.
6. Medium: Album. Stimulus: William Shatner – Seeking Major Tom
Shatner Shatners it up and sings cover songs about space. How could this possibly go wrong? The answer: it won’t.
5. Medium: Album. Stimulus: Peter Gabriel – New Blood
I think that instead of the usual gathering of singles into the usual stale Greatest Hits collection, all musicians who reach such a reflective point in their careers should do orchestral renditions of their best songs. Especially the B-52s. Consider Peter Gabriel and this beautiful retrospective to be my prime argument for this.
4. Medium: Literature. Stimulus: Andy Schoepp – Time Ninja
Once more, the great Andy Schoepp delivers over the top martial arts action in book form, yet this time he outdoes himself. Time traveling ninjas, giant robots, and hot assassin babes make for an epic tale. I’ve said it before: if Andy Schoepp’s work doesn’t kick your ass, then you don’t have an ass.
3. Medium: Album. Stimulus: Florence and the Machine – Ceremonials
This is what pop music should always sound like: well-crafted yet forceful, ambitious yet immediate, intellectual yet emotional. Ceremonials is titanic sonic literature.
2. Medium: Film. Stimulus: Hobo with a Shotgun
This ridiculous, ultraviolent, pun-heavy bit of low-rent cinema made me grateful to be alive. Seeing an old grizzled hobo dispense buckshot justice to an awesome family of gleefully murderous gangsters was a joy. Remember: when life gives you razor blades, you make a bat covered in razor blades!
1. Medium: Life. Stimulus: Protests!
It’s breathtaking to see people giving a shit and fighting corrupt systems of power worldwide. In America this seems even more amazing, because we’re currently the spoiled children of the planet. Divide that down to the Midwest, where the secondary holy mantra that follows “go [insert local NFL team]” is “don’t rock the boat,” and consider my mind blown. My expectations for humanity this year were completely shattered, and that feels wonderful.
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